I figure I would issue an emergency chapter after the events of tonight.
So I was thinking of settling down for a quiet evening, but about 10:30 I notice that I got a text message from J saying "Ne, come over to Joon's".
Right Now?
"Yes, I am on my way now."
Okey doke, I figure "hey I want to get some snacks while on the way over". So I pack up my Netflixed Blu-Ray of Iron Man and my other gadgets, (IMPORTANT LATER) and head off to Kroger's where I pick up a box of Zebra Cakes. I drive over to Joon's, nobody is home. J pulls up right behind me, he says that Joon is done with Friday Night Magic at 11 and he should be here by now. We hang outside Joon's trailer for 10 minutes tops, and J wants to hop in my car and drive to Star City to find Joon. I decide to just wait it out a couple more minutes, and sure enough Jon arrives.
We all sit around for a bit, and chit-chat. When J mentions "Did I tell you I hit another car?"
WHAT.
"Yeah, like Yesterday, I had my foot off the brake and leaned over to grab something at a stop-light and WHUMP. I hit someone."
And then what happened?
"The guy got out of his car, looked at the back of his car, got back in the car, and drove off"
How the hell do you manage to get away with that so many times?
"Dunno, did I tell you that Wednesday night I got pulled over too?"
YOU'RE KIDDING ME!
"Nope."
J that is definitive proof that God exists.
You see, Wednesday night; J, Joon, Myself, Tyler, and another guy named Nathan were over at Joon's playing cards. Around 2 in the morning we all left at the same time, and J started driving crazily (in the on-coming lane, honking horns, speeding) like he usually does. Now we were on a stretch of Peter's Creek Road that is INFESTED with Cops on most nights. That whole time he was doing that, I was thinking to myself "Please let him get pulled over, please let him get pulled over, please let him get pulled over, please let him get pulled over, please let him get pulled over, please let him get pulled over..."
So I told him, that I kept hoping he would get pulled over, sure enough...WOO-HOO!
"I didn't get a ticket, I think the Cop liked my 'bumper sticker'."
I say 'bumper sticker' because what he did was print "The U.S. Constitution Is My President" on like a home printer, and then covered it in packing tape. Yes, I do realize how much of a dumbass he is for making a statement like that. Which leads to the second part of the story.
J has become retarded, essentially.
J saw a little movie called "Loose Change", you know, the one where some college dropouts try to provide "evidence" that 9-11 was caused by the Government. Which I find hilarious (although annoying), because J a couple years ago ridiculed anyone who believed in a higher power because of "blind faith". Here he is, believing blindly the words of any conspiracy theory on the internet simply because "the internet is more trustworthy than the tv" (which to some degree can be true, but there is a lot of shit out there). J has backed off recently about 9-11 since we're smarter than him.
But now he has moved on to "Modern Medicine is bad for you", because sure enough, he found a website that said that bad things are in vaccines. Simply because the person saying it "has a PHD" (probably not in medicine I.M.O.) and some other bullshit. He refuses to back down on this, to the point that he literally pissed off his entire Geology class because he gave a presentation about it. He now eats only organic foods, and verbally abuses us for not doing so. (Now I am not saying Organic foods are bad, but he is taking this obsession WAY too far) I have already tried to point out that Cancer treatments are full of horrible things, but here's the thing THEY KILL CANCER CELLS.
But J has selective hearing, and will never take anything I say seriously. Oh and the Government is going to force everyone to take vaccines that will kill you. (He's gone insane)
This led to today, he said that Obama is trying to pass bills that will make all light-bulbs be replaced with fluorescent ones (you know, the spiral ones that last like 5 years and run on 10% of the power) and this apparently is a bad thing because...
There are bad things inside the light-bulbs. (He likes to talk about Mercury, but then he downs 2 Fish-Oil pills a day...)
I kept saying "Well then don't eat light-bulbs, it's as simple as that". But no he kept saying there are bad things in the light-bulbs, and that if you broke one open and breathed it in, you'd be breathing in Mercury and other things. "Ok J, then don't breath in the stuff in light-bulbs" But he wouldn't shut up. He kept arguing about it, even though YOU CAN AVOID THE PROBLEM THROUGH COMMON SENSE!!! I know that engine exhaust has bad stuff in it, so I don't stand behind a running car and breathe in tail-pipe fumes. IT'S COMMON SENSE!
Saruman the wise has abandoned reason for madness!
I forget what happened later, but he went into Jawn's room to prove some point. And five seconds later he comes back with a quote FROM THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY.
J, that is a Government Agency, when did you start believing in what the Government tells you?
Again, selective hearing.
"See I proved that I am right!"
J, your source is from a Government Agency, you've been telling us to not trust the Government for over a year!
"But I proved that I am right!"
You see what he has become? He's retarded! And not the good "Rain Man" kind either.
He left shortly after, Joon broke a light-bulb to prove that he wouldn't die and J ran out the door moments later. (He is still texting me, that a haz-mat crew has to clean that up, but you can't reason with him that the amount of toxins in ONE LIGHT-BULB will NEVER KILL YOU)
Did I forget to tell you that earlier today he said "they're not conspiracy theories, they're the TRUTH"?
But here's where Karma proved that she is cruel mistress.
Remember how I hoped that J would get pulled over, and sure enough he did? Oh and remember how I gathered all my electronic gadgets? While at Kroger I noticed that I didn't have my iPod.
Odd, I guess I left it on my dresser.
Well when I returned home late tonight, I go to my room AND NO IPOD! I look through my room. Nothing. The house. Nothing. My Car. Nothing. So I checked my pockets again. Sure enough THERE IS A HOLE IN MY RIGHT POCKET. (Where I usually keep my phone and iPod) So I figure that it's worth a shot to drive to Kroger and ask. Nothing there. So I drive home all sad. I had been using a flashlight to search my car earlier, and had it on as I walked up to my house.
When I see a familiar glimmer reflecting the flashlight's light.
MY IPOD!
Did I mention that this was TODAY, as in...it's been raining for like two days straight? And that it was pouring at the time of my discovery?
Right now I've got my iPod sitting near a fan, hoping it will dry out. The touch-screen isn't responding, and the screen is barely visible at best.
Fuck.
In the morning I will ask my mom where the rice is, and try to dry out as much water as possible. But I am already expecting the worst. Interestingly enough, it still syncs to my computer, so there may be hope.
But right now it looks like I will be selling a ton of crap to get $200 so I can get a refurbished iPod
Maybe I should start a Paypal donation button...
Until next time, Bojac.
