So Senior Year was when I really got to know the man who would later be known as Joon. The year before, I thought he was kind of a weird fella. He claimed to have gone to Woodrow Wilson and sat beside me in Mr. Reames’ class but I have no recollection of him…unless he was the kid that I punched in the chest (I forget why), because I remember doing that to a dude that I sat next to in Reames’. He was able to point out certain events that happened in the class (like the big, black girl chewed on a gel pen too hard, broke it and was spitting pinkish-purple ink), but I still remain suspicious. He has no reason to lie, but only one person has ever said that he was ever there. (He does have a picture in the year book so I guess I concede)
Well that got away from me a little.
The point I was trying to make was that Joon was good buddies with a guy we will call “Shibby”. Shibby was one of those chemically unbalanced kids I figure. He was fluent in German (he's an American), to the point that he had a German exchange student come stay with him for a month or so. But nonetheless he was a really funny bastard. This chapter is largely dedicated to him and the group of hooligans he lead (myself included under the guise of "The Communist") that he would dub the “Chaos Crew”.
The first major incident that I can recall from the group was based on a gag from South Park. There was an episode where Stan took a dump in a urinal. Bingo. The day after, one of the members (it never came to light who did it, but I have my suspicions) naturally left a “chocolate hot dog” in the urinal of the E Hall bathroom. Now I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but I went to Northside High School and nothing ever really happened at that school so it was a big deal for them.
But that wasn’t quite the end.
The next day, an unknown member proceeded to drop off the kids in the sink of the same bathroom. Which I think is hilarious, because if somebody walked in to that bathroom then whoever it was would have been caught hunkered down on the sink. Atleast in the urinal there was a buffer zone and you’d have a second to cover yourself.
Did I mention that this was just the first test run of the organization?
Before I leap into the next piece, I should tell you a little about our principal. Mr. Dent (I think he’s still there). Now the Dent was a relatively cool fellow, but I forget the incident that led to it, but he had all the grades meet in the auditorium where he told the epic speech of how he would “Power-bomb your mom, your dad, your grandma, and your dog” if he caught anybody else causing a ruckus. Now this was comedy gold, and at the time, the Chaos Crew ran an underground message board for the school. Now remember our old pal “James”? Well he photoshopped a picture of the principal onto a picture of a naked black man who appeared to be “entering” through the rear of a giant stuffed purple penguin. The caption read “I’ll rape your grandma, your dog, and your purple penguin.” This was naturally spread all around the school and its legacy has not been forgotten.
But here is where things jump from “inconveniencing the janitors” to “criminal mischief”.
It was the Friday night that Rocky Balboa came out. Every boy in our graduating class was there in that theater to see the movie. But most importantly was myself, Shibby, and Joon. After the movie, we were all wide awake and pumped up from Rocky Rage. When Shibby turns to us and said “you want to go egg the homeless guys downtown”?
Oh hell yes.
So we hop in Shibby’s car and ride downtown (after stopping at Walgreens and buying eggs). We drive by where the homeless people stay, and sure enough; there are a bunch of sleeping bags laid out on the pavement, daww look at them...sleeping like a bunch of little angels.
“Spare no one”
We all stayed in the safety of the car as Shibby unloads about 6 or 7 eggs, Joon and I watched. (I naturally had my camera out videotaping) Shibby then floors it and we ride off into the night.
But we still had 5 or 6 eggs left. The rest of eggs were unleashed by all of us on some unsuspecting cars nearby.
About a week later, Shibby told me that they were all going out to terrorize the homeless again. I don’t remember why I couldn’t go, but I leant out the camera in my stay. What I got back was about 10 minutes of Shibby narrating from his car as two more members in the car infront of his paintballed the hell out of some bystanders. It is then followed by them lighting up cars and houses in the Lincoln Terrace projects. Along with the camera, I sent with them a plastic bag full of the nastiest things I could find (mustard, fish sauce, steak sauce, mayonnaise, and a variety of hot sauces including an entire bottle of some like super concentrated hot sauce with a scoville rating of like 1,000,000) and they dumped it on some poor unsuspecting shmuck’s car.
That was the last outing I was directly involved in.
*Editor's Note* But my personal favorite story is this one.
One night the Chaos Crew went downtown looking for people to mess with. Now for weeks, Shibby had kept some old packets of sour cream that had gone bad. Whoever they ran into was in trouble.
So naturally they ran into a hooker.
They pulled up beside her, roll the windows down; she struts over to the car and leans over into the window. She is promptly met with a good cup and a half of nasty, old sour cream.
So I am sure you are wondering what happened to the Chaos Crew. Well most of us are still in town, most of them are at College getting degrees in Engineering…and Shibby? Well he became a Fire Fighter for the Air Force. He is currently stationed in Iraq, but at one point he was stationed in Germany and tore up a ton of German tail while he was there.
“You know how I feel about the Red-heads man.”
- Tune in next time, I promise the next one will be all about Subway.
Until next time, Bojac.
